Dancing in the Rain

     Some nights ago after I received a good night text from Mark, I cried myself to sleep. I had just sent a good night snap chat selfie and he texted  "Sigh. What I wouldn't I give to wake up next to that every morning...hope your ex knows what he lost." The truth hurts more when someone that doesn't even know us points it out. Just that text made me feel the pain in my heart again, not as much as before but I could physically feel my shoulders and chest the  raw soreness like If was being compressed and only taking a deep breath would calm it down. I cant remember the last time I cried that hard...its been at least 6 months. All I could think about when I was crying was how can this man I haven't even met yet express himself about me this way? Yes I know you might be thinking that I'm a dumbass for buying it . I usually discard/block men after 2 hours of talking to them you know break them down according to what they say etc. total defense mechanism. I mean after the break up I have been I'm major defense mode and it takes someone with A LOT of patience to keep my friendship. Its been 3 months that Mark and I started being friends. He is one of those people that don't judge or if he does he sure can hide it.
    I saved Marks text because It hurt so bad and its a contestant reminder of a promise I have made to myself. I know I have to move past this but if it was that easy I would of done it already. I know I'm nowhere near being able to date or have feelings for a man. Mark is becoming a good friend but that's the way it is going to stay. I have some things lined up for next Wednesday.
    A very important person gave me a small frame after moving into my new apartment that reads; Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. Its about learning to dance in the rain." by Vivian Green. It finally clicked, I haven't been dancing in the rain, I've been waiting for the storm to pass. It will be a year next Tuesday and the storm isn't over. I have to go dance in the rain and with time the storm will pass. Looking back at the last 12 months I feel like I have wasted a year of my life wanting something back that never belonged to me. The sadness will still peak certain days because of the curse of my hormones but I have to start living again.