Expand your mind man! Lol
-Dee
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Wednesday's
I will attempt to do weekly posts. I have chosen Wednesday just seems like the perfect day! I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!
Women Empowerment
If I haven't mentioned before I go to therapy about once a month or so. I have known my therapist for about 4 years .I started going because I felt like I needed some type of guidance, my anxiety and a bunch of others things. Now that I've gotten some of my worries a bit more under control I feel like I have really began to blossom. I am becoming the woman I have always wanted to be. I consider myself to be a good person and everything I learn I want to share with the people around me. From time to time I get text messages from friends asking for advise and it feels great that I can help and give them guidance. I don't see it like other people that may say things like "they only look for me when they need something". Not at all I feel honored that they confide in me. And I love being able to guide them in some way. Even if they don't follow my advise its okay that fact that they came to me is more than enough thanks. I love empowering people and helping them validate themselves. I want to help young women with self esteem and father issue's because those 2 things play an enormous role when choosing a partner. I want to minimize the percentage of women that become involved in physically and verbally abusive relationships. I'm still not 100 percent on how I will do that but I'm on my way!
Recently I have felt so lonely, might be the best way to put it. I want my friends to see things the way I do but I cant force them. Older co workers seem to get it more and my brother. I randomly added this page on Facebook called "Things Your Mom Never Told You" about 2 weeks later I saw that there was a YouTube channel of this. I automatically fell in love with Cristen's YouTube videos. The 1st 2 days my head would hurt after watching her videos because they are a bit short from 2-10 minutes. Her videos are about questions that subscribers ask. I love how she breaks it down psychologically and scientifically. Her weekly videos give me something to look forward to and made me feel that I am not alone in the way I think and or feel. That also got me interested in feminism (don't roll your eyes at me). Every time I mention Feminism I get this "ughhh" response and rolling eyes. You probably imagine the hardcore feminist woman that burns her bra, doesn't shave her legs and hates men. Reading on this topic and watching Cristen's videos helps me understand this movement a little bit better. Its not that women are better than men to me its about being treated like equals and helping people in general not just girls or women. I have experienced sexism in my life and even this year. Yes, in 2015.
This last weekend I went to Tijuana, México for my cousin's Mayra graduation from nursing school. I began talking to her about her dreams for the future and she is a very driven young woman. When we had some down time from eating tacos (which are amazing out there) and driving all over the city. We began to talk about men and the how some are threatened by successful women. She mentioned that her ex boyfriend would get upset about her going to school and working at a local hospital. Most of my generation of cousins are either living with a boyfriend or have kids. I am the oldest woman (26) on my fathers side that has no children. I just don't understand why our culture is in such a hurry to get married. So Mayra and I came to the conclusion that we will bet the older single aunts in the family that wont get married until we are in our 30's. For Mexican women that is old.
A while back I had a co worker that only dates Latinas tell me "You don't think like a most Latinas". I asked, "How do most Latinas think?" and he told me that the ones he had come across usually don't want to work, they stay home and want to be taken care of. I thought to myself wow is that the way we are seen? I'll just have some man take care of me? For as long as I can remember my mother always told me that she wants me to learn to survive on my own, so I don't have to rely on a man. I think this is more than just a cultural mind set, its really how you are raised but maybe there is a higher percentage of Hispanic women that are like this. Whichever it may be, you better believe that my future children will be taught to rely on themselves 1st instead of the opposite sex, marriage is a teamwork and there is no "Woman's Work".
Recently I have felt so lonely, might be the best way to put it. I want my friends to see things the way I do but I cant force them. Older co workers seem to get it more and my brother. I randomly added this page on Facebook called "Things Your Mom Never Told You" about 2 weeks later I saw that there was a YouTube channel of this. I automatically fell in love with Cristen's YouTube videos. The 1st 2 days my head would hurt after watching her videos because they are a bit short from 2-10 minutes. Her videos are about questions that subscribers ask. I love how she breaks it down psychologically and scientifically. Her weekly videos give me something to look forward to and made me feel that I am not alone in the way I think and or feel. That also got me interested in feminism (don't roll your eyes at me). Every time I mention Feminism I get this "ughhh" response and rolling eyes. You probably imagine the hardcore feminist woman that burns her bra, doesn't shave her legs and hates men. Reading on this topic and watching Cristen's videos helps me understand this movement a little bit better. Its not that women are better than men to me its about being treated like equals and helping people in general not just girls or women. I have experienced sexism in my life and even this year. Yes, in 2015.
This last weekend I went to Tijuana, México for my cousin's Mayra graduation from nursing school. I began talking to her about her dreams for the future and she is a very driven young woman. When we had some down time from eating tacos (which are amazing out there) and driving all over the city. We began to talk about men and the how some are threatened by successful women. She mentioned that her ex boyfriend would get upset about her going to school and working at a local hospital. Most of my generation of cousins are either living with a boyfriend or have kids. I am the oldest woman (26) on my fathers side that has no children. I just don't understand why our culture is in such a hurry to get married. So Mayra and I came to the conclusion that we will bet the older single aunts in the family that wont get married until we are in our 30's. For Mexican women that is old.
A while back I had a co worker that only dates Latinas tell me "You don't think like a most Latinas". I asked, "How do most Latinas think?" and he told me that the ones he had come across usually don't want to work, they stay home and want to be taken care of. I thought to myself wow is that the way we are seen? I'll just have some man take care of me? For as long as I can remember my mother always told me that she wants me to learn to survive on my own, so I don't have to rely on a man. I think this is more than just a cultural mind set, its really how you are raised but maybe there is a higher percentage of Hispanic women that are like this. Whichever it may be, you better believe that my future children will be taught to rely on themselves 1st instead of the opposite sex, marriage is a teamwork and there is no "Woman's Work".
Thursday, June 11, 2015
True Romance
My baby brother usually comes over to eat, but today he came to say bye. He's leaving tomorrow morning to Mexico. His girlfriend is coming back with him, he should only be gone about a week or so. Seeing my brother fall in love has been great and it has taught me a lot about a mans point of view as far as romance goes. I have been learning about "game" from my brother for over 10 years. He has always been "good with the ladies" if you know what I mean. And has always shared his wisdom with me. Could be one of the reason I like older men. I never really knew their level of game. I always felt that no matter how harsh or hard my brother was on the outside he always had a good heart and I fell like this way about a lot of people. They just don't know how to express themselves.
For memorial weekend my brother and I went to Banning (about 70 miles from here) to hangout with our cousins. On the drive we got to talk about love and relationships. I let him know how great its been seeing him just be in love. I have seen love affect his others relationships. For example back when I had "The last date with Jojo" (older blog) I was waiting to get picked up for my date and he told me "So is he coming upstairs to meet us?" I was shocked hearing these words come out of my little brothers mouth! For as long as I can remembered he has never cared about my dating life. So I just told him "Ha-ha no". He is actually interested and cares about who I will be hanging out with.
A little over a month ago I had a friend come over we will call him Sheriff Woody and we watched True Romance, you know the one with Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette. Yes I know lots of crazy stuff goes on in the movie but beneath all it he goes and "rescues" her from where she was in life. She is that ride or die girl, that I think most men want. I'm looking at this whole situation with my brother as very symbolic. So when I hugged him and said good bye I kissed him and said "Go get your bride." He's traveling hundreds of miles to another country to get his girlfriend and bringing her back with him, if that doesn't equal romance to you then I don't know what will. I know If a man did that for me I'd marry him! This is real life get real and we aren't living in a fairytale. We have to heave realistic expectations when it comes to love or at least to be able to identify it. You have to have had experienced heartbreak to truly appreciate your 2nd chance at love. I can honestly say that both my brother and I have gone through that, but he dealt with in a different way.
I am still keeping an eye out for love I know they say that it will come when I least suspect it and I have come to the conclusion that I will be single for a GOOD WHILE. This is why I don't take men on dating websites seriously anymore. Dating websites are only potential hook ups. As women we think with our emotions well most of us anyways. We have to be able to separate emotions and actions. I don't know about you but it has been very hard for me. I know some women may perceive me as heartless. I can assure you that I am not but only few friends can actually see that.
Men use our feelings against us I'm only referring to the ones with bad intentions aka the pimps, players or Mujeriegos as my mom calls them. To protect ourselves we have to stop thinking with feelings and start reading between the lines. If I knew what I know now about men it would have saved me a lot of heartache but it is what it is. Of coarse there are extremes to this rule just like anything else. My brother, Big B and Mark have taught me so much about "The Game". That's how men brag by the women they get. Mr. B told me he was so good back in the day that a woman bough him a car. Take a moment to thinks about the level he must have been hustling for that to happen. If your a girl reading this think about a guy you may be talking to or getting to know now. Then ask yourself what level girl are you?
The things that you let a man get away with determine the level that you are on. This is the unfortunate game that we have to learn how to play if we don't want to get hurt or the game you play to get what you want. Some people catch on quick and others keep making the same mistakes. We have to really look at the big picture and learn how to protect ourselves from men and or women just passing through. Because women can be just as bad and or worse than men. I'm not saying I'm perfect because I am not .I've broken some hearts without intention.
The world is filled with a lot of people that just cant or don't want to express how they really feel. I really don't care, I am who I am and if you want to try and use that against me I might just flip it back on you. I still believe in good people with good intentions.
For memorial weekend my brother and I went to Banning (about 70 miles from here) to hangout with our cousins. On the drive we got to talk about love and relationships. I let him know how great its been seeing him just be in love. I have seen love affect his others relationships. For example back when I had "The last date with Jojo" (older blog) I was waiting to get picked up for my date and he told me "So is he coming upstairs to meet us?" I was shocked hearing these words come out of my little brothers mouth! For as long as I can remembered he has never cared about my dating life. So I just told him "Ha-ha no". He is actually interested and cares about who I will be hanging out with.
A little over a month ago I had a friend come over we will call him Sheriff Woody and we watched True Romance, you know the one with Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette. Yes I know lots of crazy stuff goes on in the movie but beneath all it he goes and "rescues" her from where she was in life. She is that ride or die girl, that I think most men want. I'm looking at this whole situation with my brother as very symbolic. So when I hugged him and said good bye I kissed him and said "Go get your bride." He's traveling hundreds of miles to another country to get his girlfriend and bringing her back with him, if that doesn't equal romance to you then I don't know what will. I know If a man did that for me I'd marry him! This is real life get real and we aren't living in a fairytale. We have to heave realistic expectations when it comes to love or at least to be able to identify it. You have to have had experienced heartbreak to truly appreciate your 2nd chance at love. I can honestly say that both my brother and I have gone through that, but he dealt with in a different way.
I am still keeping an eye out for love I know they say that it will come when I least suspect it and I have come to the conclusion that I will be single for a GOOD WHILE. This is why I don't take men on dating websites seriously anymore. Dating websites are only potential hook ups. As women we think with our emotions well most of us anyways. We have to be able to separate emotions and actions. I don't know about you but it has been very hard for me. I know some women may perceive me as heartless. I can assure you that I am not but only few friends can actually see that.
Men use our feelings against us I'm only referring to the ones with bad intentions aka the pimps, players or Mujeriegos as my mom calls them. To protect ourselves we have to stop thinking with feelings and start reading between the lines. If I knew what I know now about men it would have saved me a lot of heartache but it is what it is. Of coarse there are extremes to this rule just like anything else. My brother, Big B and Mark have taught me so much about "The Game". That's how men brag by the women they get. Mr. B told me he was so good back in the day that a woman bough him a car. Take a moment to thinks about the level he must have been hustling for that to happen. If your a girl reading this think about a guy you may be talking to or getting to know now. Then ask yourself what level girl are you?
The things that you let a man get away with determine the level that you are on. This is the unfortunate game that we have to learn how to play if we don't want to get hurt or the game you play to get what you want. Some people catch on quick and others keep making the same mistakes. We have to really look at the big picture and learn how to protect ourselves from men and or women just passing through. Because women can be just as bad and or worse than men. I'm not saying I'm perfect because I am not .I've broken some hearts without intention.
The world is filled with a lot of people that just cant or don't want to express how they really feel. I really don't care, I am who I am and if you want to try and use that against me I might just flip it back on you. I still believe in good people with good intentions.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
I hate Crying
Today was one of those days that I just wanted to disappear! I missed work Monday and Tuesday because my pancreas has been acting up again being awake was just painful. I wake up today, dragging myself out of bed. As soon as I'm about to get on the main street to head to work my car finally gives out. Gas pedal just wasn't doing anything. I had to text my manager and I'm sure by now she doesn't even believe me she didn't even reply. So I keep trying to turn on he car and my mom starts freaking out when I'm on the phone with AAA. Thank goodness I didn't have to pay for the tow and it was around the corner from my house. And it didn't hurt that the tow truck guy was totally handsome and very talkative. Getting to work things really didn't get any better I showed up an hour late with no make up (which is extremely rare for me). As soon as I got out of the car I started crying not because I didn't have car but my dad thought it was a good idea to scold me about my weight. I love him and I know I can always count on him, he did give my mother a ride to and from work today. As soon as he asked my why I had missed work and my pancreas was up for discussion he started saying "You are so fat, you've been gaining weight and u say you don't eat fast food. You should have lost at least 50 lbs by now blah blah". All this was said in Spanish which hurt even more and it was my dad telling me all this it just broke me. Sometimes I hesitate on telling him stuff like that because I hate being spoken to like a child! Imp 26 and yes maybe I haven't made the best choices food wise but I'm really trying the best I can as far as food goes exercise is another thing. As soon as I sit at my desk Big B (my cool lead) says "Garcia" in a very caring tone and that just make cry even more! I know he wants to help but if I start talking about how upset I really am I'll be crying for a fucken hour!
This is a topic I have avoided blogging about because its so damn hard for me. I can honestly say that out of all obstacles I have had in my life so far my weight has definitely been the most difficult. I always start and get pumped but something emotional happens (good or bad) and I fall off the wagon. This time I really don't have that option, falling off the wagon equals pain and its just not worth it anymore.
I have been struggling with weight since I was about 8 years old, that's kind of when I started gaining weight but I didn't notice that I was bigger and in 5th grade when we all had to get weight before we promoted to middle school. I have really let my weight stop me from doing a lot of things in life. Things that I have avoided in the last 16 years because of my weight amusement parks because not fitting on a ride isn't embarrassing enough in front of all those people (yes it has happened). Getting up to serve myself seconds in public because of coarse the fat girl wants to eat more that happened at camp when I was 10 the server told me "I knew you would come for seconds." I didn't think about it much but that really hurt. And oh yes being weighed! I have improved on these in the last 4 years. Therapy has really taught e to love myself as a person. Still working on the physical.
I have become a bit more fashionable of coarse having a better paying job has helped a lot with that but it can still be hard there is way more options now compared to when I was in high school. I am more comfortable in my skin but that doesn't mean I want to stay fat. My ideal weight is about 160-180 lbs. and if that seems big or fat to you that just goes to show you that I am a big girl and yes I am working on that. I will blog about this on and off, my weight is a big part of my life. I have to be strict with myself and pick up new habits because I want to be the best me I can be inside and out and these are habits/qualities to my future children well if I even have any.
This is a topic I have avoided blogging about because its so damn hard for me. I can honestly say that out of all obstacles I have had in my life so far my weight has definitely been the most difficult. I always start and get pumped but something emotional happens (good or bad) and I fall off the wagon. This time I really don't have that option, falling off the wagon equals pain and its just not worth it anymore.
I have been struggling with weight since I was about 8 years old, that's kind of when I started gaining weight but I didn't notice that I was bigger and in 5th grade when we all had to get weight before we promoted to middle school. I have really let my weight stop me from doing a lot of things in life. Things that I have avoided in the last 16 years because of my weight amusement parks because not fitting on a ride isn't embarrassing enough in front of all those people (yes it has happened). Getting up to serve myself seconds in public because of coarse the fat girl wants to eat more that happened at camp when I was 10 the server told me "I knew you would come for seconds." I didn't think about it much but that really hurt. And oh yes being weighed! I have improved on these in the last 4 years. Therapy has really taught e to love myself as a person. Still working on the physical.
I have become a bit more fashionable of coarse having a better paying job has helped a lot with that but it can still be hard there is way more options now compared to when I was in high school. I am more comfortable in my skin but that doesn't mean I want to stay fat. My ideal weight is about 160-180 lbs. and if that seems big or fat to you that just goes to show you that I am a big girl and yes I am working on that. I will blog about this on and off, my weight is a big part of my life. I have to be strict with myself and pick up new habits because I want to be the best me I can be inside and out and these are habits/qualities to my future children well if I even have any.
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