Dear Tess

     Dear Tess Holliday,

     You are an amazing woman. I'm sure you get that a lot these days, as you should.  I truly appreciate all the work you have done and are still doing. You've been on my radar for about 3 years now. I remember when I went through your IG account for the first time. I though to myself "Omg she is gorgeous!" I had no clue you were even plus sized. When I saw you were like me, it made me feel so happy! I thought, there is someone like me out there breaking the beauty norms. Here is this beautiful plus sized woman and she's modeling! I never though I would see someone like me become mainstream.
     Self esteem has bee something that I have struggled with since I was a kid. It hasn't been until recent years and with a lot of help from my psychologist that I have been able to see myself as beautiful and confident young woman. Everyone should feel good about themselves, we all have that right. I'm glad I got to meet you, even though you may not remember. When you would have the garage sales in Costa Mesa, CA and were raising money to see your love in Australia. Even though I doubt you will be doing a garage sell any time soon. I'm so thankful I got the chance to see you in person. I love that I can see your life through social media. Its awesome how you are traveling the world. I hope to do that some day.
     Working on myself and developing self love has been the best thing I have ever done and am still doing. Although I have had some hard bumps down this road they have made me who I am today. I want to empower women and help them with their confidence. I just started going to school and was finally able to buy myself a lap top. I want to help young girls with self esteem, assist with finding healthy ways of coping with emotions. I want to give back what was given to me. I still don't know exactly how I will be doing that but I know I'm on my way.
I just want to thank you for what you are doing and that I will do my part in this as well.

#EFFYOURBEAUTYSTANDARDS

Love
Dennise Garcia

2 Fat

     Didn't have a chance to post last week. I'm back...if anyone out there was wondering. Last week was quite interesting, filled with delightful new family drama.
     After my Women's Studies class, I rushed over to Norms. My mother father and brother were on their way. We were going to meet my brothers fiancé's parents. My brother was a nervous wreck, bless his heart. My parents are kind of like the kids that never grew up, in a good way. The four of us just tend to just joke around a lot. We are always laughing about something. My dad sat next to me. I told him how tired I've been lately after starting school because he never asks what's going on in my life. After that he asked what I had just learned in class and of coarse I was going to share my knowledge, as we waited for the new in laws. I didn't go into detail I just told him that I learned about the patriarchy and how media manipulates the way we think and look at society. Also mentioned the beauty norms etc. He responded with "Your mother was a size 2 when I met her. If she would have been as fat as you, I would have never dated her."
     I felt so sad for my father. I am aware of my weight. I know loosing some weight would be very beneficial to my health, dosent he want his daughter to be happy? It's sucks that he is so structuralized with this concept of thin being the only form of beauty. He cant see what an amazing daughter he has. I guess I'm not following what he had expected of me in a way. This year he has been pointing out my weight more and more in a negative way but last Thursday he just out did himself. In a way  feel that this might be one of the reasons that he doesn't take anything I do serious, because I'm fat? I have let go of some negative people in the recent years. The conclusion of a negative person has been that overall they are just not happy with themselves or their life. Is this the case for my father? It certainty feels that way on my end. He sees me exited and more confident with myself. Did he feel like he had to knock me down a peg or two? Did I questions his manliness? Is he miserable an wants company?  I keep asking these questions because it is very hard to accept that this might be the way that the man that I have looked up to my whole life may think.
     I couldn't keep it to myself so I told my mother and brother.  My mom wasn't very happy but told me that she believed me because she knows my father. My brother was shocked and asked me if maybe he had been joking. Even if it was a joke it wasn't a very funny one. I don't know if he will confront my father about it but even if he does what will that change? Would he even apologize? I don't think I can remember my father ever saying sorry. Maybe he did but not that  can ever recall.
      I wasn't expecting my mom to tell me why they actually split way back when.  I had never asked because I really didn't feel like it was any of my business. I remember being about 8-9 years old and my father taking me to pick up my mom from work at night and him telling me that my mom was cheating and pointed out a man. I thought that was the weirdest thing ever. Why would he take me and show me these things? I'm not saying my mother is perfect and that my dad is a completed asshole. And I will not try to justify what he said. At the end of the day I will always help my father with what I can and he has been there for me many times. Its just very unfortunate that we think so differently. And I cant just cut him out of my life like a negative friend. He is my father, I guess that I just have to talk to him about things that we actually have in common. Through all this I'm very glad that  my mother can see my point of view.
     I will not let my fathers comment keep me from pursuing my dreams and goals. I will not be the victim. Yes it hurt and its sad and this is why I go to therapy to love myself and not get stuck blaming people for bringing me down. I am far too strong to let these type of  comments keep me down. Even if they are from the people I love most. That only refers to immediate family.


Update:
As of last Friday I officially have a new sister in law.
School is keeping me busy and by this post I think you can see what my favorite class is!
Thanks for anyone who actually reads my shit! Show me some love. Or comment a post suggestions. I am currently working on a list.

Good Night!

Girl's Guide to Surviving Life

     In my 26 years of life on this planet I have learned quite a few things. This week I will try something a little bit different, thinking outside the box. I will share with you the best advice I have been given, in no particular order.


1. True friends are hard to come by. Once you realize a person was a good friend to you be the bigger person and look for them try to work it out. If that doesn't work then you know that at least you tried. Keep in mind that if you take too long there's less of a chance of it working out.

2. Don't let pride get in the way of something good. Friendships, proving someone wrong etc. Its just not worth it.

3. Always stay true to yourself. If something is bothering you speak up. Talk to someone.

4. Don let anyone guilt you into doing ANYTHING you don't want to do.

5. Don't seek pleasure to avoid pain. One way or another that pain has to come out. Do it in a healthy productive way.

6. Through pain comes strength. Obstacles are just tests and yes you can make it!

7.  Enjoy love to its fullest potential and remember to always keep your feet on the ground.

8. Just because someone doesn't agree with the way you think doesn't mean they are wrong.

9. Always keep an open mind. Not everyone knows what you know or think the way you do.

10. Learn how to say No. Don't let people walk all over you. Just because I'm nice doesn't mean I'll do whatever you want/say.

11. Time truly heals all wounds.

12. What people think of you really isn't your business and doesn't really matter. Don't let it affect your amazing life. Everyone is entitled to an opinion don't let someone's opinion of you change who you are.

13. Self love is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

14. Misery loves company. Stay away from unhappy and negative people they will only try to bring you down with them.

15. Try and learn something new every day.

16. Always be thankful for what you have and the knowledge that comes with your years.

17. Learn from your mistakes even though you might make the same mistake 2 or 3 times you know just to be sure.

18. Life is the best teacher.

19. Don't expect something you are not willing to give yourself.

20. Don't let fear keep you from doing what you really want to do. also related to #12 if you care what people think fear will control you.

21. Its okay to be sad, in order for you to move past it you have to let it out.

22. Bleaching your hair will really damage it, I don't care what anyone says!

23.  Everyday that you are alive and breathing is a gift. Do something productive with it.

24. Don't became the victim of a bad situation.

25.ALWAYS LOOK FOR SOMETHING POSITIVE EVEN IN A BAD SITUATION. LIFE MIGHT JUST BE TEACHING YOU A LESSON.

26. Understanding your past will help you comprehend you present and that will benefit your decision making for the future.

27. With matters of the heart proceed with caution.

28. Drugs and alcohol wont lead you anywhere good, keep moderation in mind.

29. You are never to old to dress up for Halloween or watch cartoons!

30. Don't stop doing what you love or who you love! ;-)

31. Don't let life turn you bitter.

32. Don't be so hard on yourself.

33. Hardest one of all follow your own advice :)

Girl's Group Message

    Its been a while that I have been in a group message. Girl group messages are the best! Today, we got into talking about faking orgasms and any if us had ever faked one. One of my friends mentioned that she had and of coarse I was curious. She just said that sometimes she just wanted that person to finish. You bet your sweet ass I had something to say about that and this also goes to other women that might be doing the same.
     I have not and will not fake an orgasm! I did go on a mini rant about this. If you do not know how my body works I will let you know because everyone is different. Also I see it as a form of lying, I mean if someone is not doing a good job don't you want them to do better? And if you don't you are evil! JK. Or if something is hurting you all you would have to say is, that's kind of hurting me can you please stop and yes I have had to do that.  Its just that easy. If you don't wan this person to feel bad they should be happy as fuck that you are even letting them be intimate with you. If they try to make you feel bad, should you even be having sex with them?
The reason I have this type of feedback is because I've been that girl that would fall for the stupid guilt trips and manipulation! It wasn't until I realized what my self worth is that this began to change.
I recall a certain someone and do keep in mind this is before self love Dee came along. He told me that I was the biggest girl he had been with. After I had told him I had feelings for him. Let that sink in for a second. He made me feel like no one  would want to be with me because of that. I felt like  trash but the truth is that the trash was him. And yes I did keep seeing him a couple of months after that up until last year. He saw a good girl and took advantage of that for his pleasure. I can admit I was an idiot but even worse, I didn't love myself.  What did I do when he came crying to me when his life was falling apart? I hugged him as he cried. I don't believe in hurting when I've been hurt. spreading that around wont make you any happier.

I know I got a bit personal but this just became one of those things that I've learned from and have overcome.  If any of you have even gone through anything similar feel free to contact me.