I was always very quiet in school. I just kind of tend to shut down and keep to myself in crows or groups of people. Kinder, 1st and 2nd grade where fine, It took me a bit to learn how to read but I got the hang of it. I still remember that feeling of the light bulb going off in my head an thinking to myself, oh my god I get it! So up to this point everything I learned was still in Spanish because my parents only spoke Spanish. Returning to school for 3rd grade I felt so confident and ready to learn and actually know what was going on. To my surprise everything had changed, we would only be taught in English. No more breaking up the kids into Spanish speakers and English speakers. Although I'm glad this was done, I just wish I would have been taught English from the beginning but then I wouldn't know how to read or write in Spanish. I didn't know then how this small change would affect the rest of my life. ( just stepped away for a second and my brother and his girlfriend will be getting married next month)
It took me a while to get used to the fact that everything would be in English. I didn't learn to speak it until 4th grade. Third grade was when I stopped going outside to play and started eating. I always new something had changed at that time for me and it was always in the back of my head. I kept struggling in school and floated onto the next grade. By the time I would get a hold of something we were already be moving onto the next. M y parents couldn't really help me with homework, they only spoke Spanish. I felt so stupid that I could never keep up. This feeling lasted about 18 years. Eighth grade English was the hardest subject for me all these commas, adjectives and adverbs threw me off. Even now I struggle with all this.
It wasn't until summer of 2013 that I made the connections. It seems so easy and simple now. I remember having this breakthrough in therapy. I came home and ripped down all my posters and took off my green leopard comforter. Abby was really confused that I had done all this, I tried explaining but se thought it was because of FEO. I just felt like I didn't need all these things in my walls in my room filling this odd emptiness. I had these things because I had a hard time defining myself. I realized that my belongings don't define me, I define myself. That has been one of the best breakthroughs I have had in therapy to date.
I dropped out of school in 2007 I was 18. When I started my GED classes I was so scared that I wouldn't pass but I made it by 2 points I was so proud of myself at 22 I got my GED. After getting stabilized with wok and home I'm happy to say that I will finally be starting college at 26 years old. I know I have a long way to go but giving up is not an option for me. I start my 1st class on the 25th and my favorite subject Psychology! I will also be taking Women's Studies I just cant wait to start learning. I didn't know how I would get to college but I always knew wanted to go. This is a huge step for me and I am really nervous about starting something I know little about. I know it wont be easy but If I have to take a class 2 or 3 times I will do it!
No comments:
Post a Comment