Blossoming

     This week has been an emotional roller coaster.. If you have me on snap chat I am sure you have asked yourself, "WTF is wrong with that girl?" I refuse to ignore my emotions and the tears that come out help me move past this current situation. Other than work being crazy busy and making me want to pick up smoking (I don't smoke).I felt like I was being dragged into my past. If you have read my older blogs you know what summer of 2014 consisted of. Needless to say that a recent event made me feel like I might get dragged back into something bad and of coarse my mind ran with it. Damn this cognitive distortion!! After I cried myself to sleep on Tuesday while praying, I went to work with a sad heart and then something happened I accepted that it was okay to feel this way. I analyzed the situation and saw the pattern that I have been following. This is the reason I love psychology! What I learn there I apply to everyday life and it helps me pull my head out of my ass in other words. Yes, it's one thing to point it put when you are not following this patter, but to be able to pull yourself from this is what strength is made of. I didn't tattoo "Through pain comes strength" on my left arm for no reason. That is also a reminder that I can get over this (even thought it has taken about 2 years now).
     After feeling empowered I look at things that make me feel better. The one thing that just helps me look at things in a different way is Carl Sagan's "Pale Blue Dot". It just helps me realize and move past things that just really don't matter anymore. I become concentrated in the now and it gives me strength for the future and the things that I am currently working on.
      I was talking to a friend after she had seen that I had cried during my lunch. She asked me why I had been so emotional lately.  And I let her know that I wasn't suppressing my feelings as much as the previous months. More like distracting myself with not so positive activities. In the past years I have found relief in things like drinking, MEN, partying and a little of that Mary Jane. All I was doing was burying my emotions under all those things, "pretending that I was having fun". Like a lot  young adults are currently doing and I don't mean everyone. We all have different reasons for doing certain things and its okay we are all unique. We cope with things the only way we know how. It takes a very strong person not to give into the easy way of "getting over things". We follow the examples that we have seen growing up. And I like helping my friends validate themselves they way I have.
      I decided not to lie due to a certain friend. She would constantly lie about so many things. After we learned and kept catching her in lies. I would tell her "Just admit it we caught you lying, were your friends you don't have to try and impress us." She never did fess up about ever lying. After that I promised that I wouldn't lie anymore. What's really the point of lying anyways? Maybe that you aren't happy with the reality around you. In the end you just end up hurting yourself. The 2nd part of that promise has been the hardest to keep, not lying to myself. Pulling myself away from things that are no good. Separating myself from people I though I would never be able to live without has been the best thing I have done. This is how I began blogging and learning about things that I actually enjoy like Astronomy, Psychology and yes the all time favorite FEMINISM.