Chicana : No Soy de Aqui ni de Alla

     This last week we discussed Chicana Feminism in my Women Studies Class. We read a chapter from Borderlands La Frontera by Gloria Anzaldua. While reading it I could relate so much. Even though it does describe an older generation of Chicanos.
     I recall spending my summers in Tijuana during middle school with my cousins. I was used t being around my kind of people. Santa Ana is about 78% Latino in 2010 according to the Census Bureau . In my young naïve brain I thought the two places would be the same. I felt so out of place, culturally. My Spanish always felt like it wasn't good enough. I had to switch from my Spanglish to all Spanish. Even though my cousins and I were able to communicate we lived in different worlds. Over the years it has been hard for me to really connect with those in my family that live in Mexico. There is only about one cousin that I can say that I have a better connection with. Despite not seeing each other for 7 years. It felt nice to just pick up where we left off.
     My 1st language was Spanish because that's what my parents spoke. Once I started school everything stayed in Spanish until 3rd grade. Once English became the primary language in school I freaked out. I felt that same sense of not belonging and it was a daily reminder that I didn't fit in. I recall being in Miss Penas 2nd grade class and hearing the principal over the morning  announcements and as they were over the whole class (all Spanish speakers) would look over to her and wait for the translation. Even then I hated being clueless of what is going on around me. This is a huge reason why I like learning so much.
     What I could relate to the most in last weeks Women's Studies assignment was the tremendous sense of belonging I felt as I understood where I stand. No Soy de Aqui ni de Alla. (I'm not from here or there). I'm from both places. After he chapter I asked myself if I am turning my back on my Mexican heritage. Being a Feminist and a Chicana don't really seem to go hand in hand. Some may say that they contradict one another. To me they don't because I am Chicana is my social location and being feminist is that I want equality towards all women. Being a Chicana feminist does not mean that I have joined the other side or "white ideas". Before the Europeans came to the Americas there was more equality between men and women. Religion. language and culture that are part of the regular Mexican culture was the Spaniards work. of coarse if that hadn't happened many years ago I would be here blogging about it.  I embrace my Mexican heritage because I speak several languages there is Standard English, Standard Mexican Spanish, Working Class English, Slang English, Standard Spanish, Chicano Spanish and my favorite Pachuco.
      For the record I hate the word Pocho/Pocha. That word is used to insult Chicanos or any people of Hispanic or Latino heritage that speak poor English or no English at all. This insult mostly comes from people that were raised in Mexico. The fact that  person from my own descent is telling me that I am basically not Mexican enough is very hurtful. The thing of it is, that you aren't even speaking our native tongue. Spanish was forced on the natives.  We are natives mixed with Spaniards and I get to add American to that.